I am 44 yrs old widow, mother of two kids.  I recently met a guy on the internet, he is divorced with two kids and two years younger than me. We met, liked each other and started dating.He is a workaholic and works long hours. We sometimes cant meet becuase of his extended hours and rely a lot on texting as communication. Recently he was again claiming that he was very busy and I hadn't seen him for more than a week. Then one eveing I found a 2 text messages on my phone sent from him of sexual nature. From the contents I could tell they were not intended for me. I tried to call him but he did not reply. I dashed to his aprtment, his car was parked outside but no one opened the door. Meantime I received a text from him saying i received weird messages on my phone. He said he is still at work, he had left the phone at his desk and someone was playing with it and that he had given his car to a friend of his who lives in the same building.  But we did have a fight later on about it when I asked him if he was seeing someone else. We patched up afterwards, when I met him again he seemed withdrawn, he was not his usual self. I tried to clear the things and asked what upset him but he gave me no real answers. Now I initaite texting him otherwise he does not text me but he still keeps telling me that he loves me. I don't know where I am heading with him? Is he doing this so I get fed up and walk out or is he doing this because he is hurt.  Please help me. Thanks.

Thanks for writing. We want to say up front that we are not psychologists, our advice and thoughts come from life's experiences.

While reading your email, a few flags were being raised in my head. You don't state how long you have been dating this guy, I will guess maybe a few months? What sticks out in my mind are the excuses he is giving you as to why he is not spending time with you. Excuses are reasons stuffed with a lie. The text messages on your phone, not answering his door or phone, car parked outside, but he said he lent it to a friend..all excuses. They just don't add up. You shouldn't have to initiate contact with him every time. Text messaging is not a substitute for communication. You deserve to have great conversation and a boyfriend who is available; mentally and physically.

The truth of the matter is that when a guy really likes you, he makes the time. Sure, there are a handful of men whose lives are so hectic that they just can't put the proper energy into dating you. Like if he's an astronaut on his way to Mars or something, but I don't think this is the case with your boyfriend.

Communication is THE key to a successful relationship. If you want to keep investing your time in this relationship, both of you need to open up and talk and get to the root of the problem. I don't know why he may be acting like this, there are many reasons. I don't see any reason why he would be hurt, you have every right to have strange actions explained, don't let the situation be turned around to make you feel guilty. You deserve to be treated with respect.

Go with your gut instinct, it's the still small voice that ever so quietly whispers to us and it's usually guiding us in the direction we need to go.

We hope this offers some help.
Ariel